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What Do Women Really Want?

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Written by Ephraim Emenanjo Adinlofu (12-08-15)

You don’t smoke, they complain; you smoke, they complain. You don’t drink, they complain; you drink, they complain. You don’t socialise, they complain; you socialise, they complain. You don’t stay at home; they complain; you stay at home, they complain. You don’t ’do the thing’ properly, they complain; you ’do it’ properly, they complain. You love them dearly, they complain, you don’t, they complain. So, what in this world for God’s sake do women want?

They want us and yet they don’t want us. The relationship of men to women, especially in the UK looks like what psychologists call approach/avoidance: you approach it; you avoid it. Men tread carefully in this clime because we have heard cases of consensual sex graduating into rape charges. Because of this blinding lust for money, most ladies have become "Kiss and Tell" experts.

Just read this scandal aloud please, for effect: "CITY WIVES RUSH FOR A DIVORCE AS FORTUNES SHRINK," screams a headline in the daily London Lite of 15 May 2008. As if the impact of the headline on the men’s psyche is not enough, the paper opened thus on these spongers: "wives of city bankers are rushing for the divorce courts to grab their share of hubby’s fortune before the recession takes its toll." What abhorrent nonsense!

To compound this crass behaviour, the paper continued; "Lawyers say they are taking increasing numbers of calls from women thinking of divorcing their husbands and worried that if they don’t go ahead soon, the credit crunch and the strife in financial markets will hurt their payout.Thus says one of the lawyers, "the trophy wives who married for money are starting to cash in their chips. When money looks like flying out of the window, love walks out the door." What will ever satisfy these children of Eve and "necessary evils" living in our midst? What has happened to our marriage vow and its essence?

Whilst deep in thoughts and reflecting on this, another lawyer dropped thus, "previous recessions also saw a plunge in weddings and a rise in divorces, especially among the rich."This is disgusting ! These women have bastardized the institution of marriage. An institution, which is supposed to be built on love, is now determined by market forces and profit. For God’s sake where is the world heading to? With the rate of global moral degeneracy, I am beginning to agree with one of the Pastors in the U.K, that if Jesus Christ does not come in the next couple of years, he would be shocked.

More fundamental is the fact that the people involved in these denigration of marriage are regarded as role models in the UK. The youths look up to them for direction and moral guidance but what do they get? Nothing but hedonistic and ruthlessly selfish life styles. No wonder the society has gone ‘berserk’ with knife crimes and endless gang killings, 90% of which are committed by youths living with mums who have succumbed to this satanic siren-song of single parenthood. Father-figure has been driven into the streets by mother-figure in the name of matriarchy.

Little wonder then that most men have resorted to unnatural acts of sodomy to ‘cool down’ because they could no longer stand the wiles of these women. Homosexuality is growing in leaps and bounds. Tony Blair’s government passed a law in December 2006 legalizing same-sex marriage in the UK. Since the churches have refused to recognise the practice, attention was shifted to the court registry.

By December 2007, a year after the law was passed, the registries have recorded about 15,000 { Fifteen thousand} of such marriages. Man-to-man and woman-to-woman marriages now thrive openly in the UK. It is no longer seen as an abomination. It is now like a cult club. If you belong, you sometimes climb the ladder of wealth faster than you’d anticipated and if you don’t, you sometimes find yourself in a state of stagnation. Discrimination against the "STRAIGHT PEOPLE" is now done so discreetly.

Such is the definition of the times we now live in. It may sound hypothetical, but to say that the attitude of the womenfolk had not contributed to this alarming trend towards sodomy is to say nothing. We do not need any research to prove it. The experience of most men in marriages in the UK are too bitter to be narrated here. Men tolerate a lot in their household from these lushly children of Eve.

At the least provocation the woman is protected by the agencies of the state. The man is thrown out of the house with effortless ease. The woman appropriates the children and goes on as a single mum to collect more financial rewards from the state. Married couples get little or no encouragement from the same state. The system induces wives to throw their husbands out of the house. Such is the practice of matriarchy in the United Kingdom.

Power belongs to the woman, oh yes, that is the meaning of matriarchy. The man is a tenant, at the beck and call of the woman. She uses the man to satisfy her sexual and maternal desires, and then tosses the man around in the house like a coin. With her poisonous tongue, she directs, she instructs, she commands, she orders, she asserts and she bullies.

And when the man dares reacts, she hollers, cries blue murder and dials 999. The police, highly programmed like automatons, arrive in a jiffy, handcuff the man and zoom off in their noisy siren cars as if they have arrested a carjacker. The man is later released, not by the police but by the authority of the wife’s phone call. He is cautioned and told to behave or pack out to the bush.

The UK is a country where men are easily criminalized. Men are free and yet not free. They are in a kind of systematic bondage. When most married men close from work, they don’t go home, they end up at the pub or beer parlour as it’s called in Nigeria, because of the terror at home called wife. While some others stay in the office doing nothing but pacing the floor of their offices, afraid of the ‘cobra’ at home. Such is the level of fear and intimidation by our women on the men folk. I wish I could retell the stories of some male colleagues. Matriarchy is now matricide. It has killed motherhood.

Unfortunately, our Nigerian sisters have started copying this promiscuous and loose form of culture and tendency. Trust Nigerians! When two cultures meet, says Prof. Chinua Achebe, Nigerians copy the worst of the new culture and blend it with the worst of their {Nigerian} culture. That is exactly what our women do. As a result, the men have quietly "stepped aside" like IBB, leaving the fatherly role to women.

The man is literally the woman while the woman is the man. Social roles have been reversed because we now live in a reversed world-all in the name of "development" and globalization. Extreme liberty, fame and drugs, lesbianism, homosexuality, Same-sex marriages, and gang culture epitomised by juveniles knife and gun crimes are fallouts of western "development".

It is not surprising therefore to hear at close quarters, our possessive Nigerian women of ‘substance’ often shout at their husbands with impunity:

"You are a graduate, I am a graduate, you cannot intimidate me. May I remind you that this is UK not Nigeria"!

"Shut-up, do you think we are in Nigeria"!

"Gone are the days when men use women. Here in the UK, we are in control, so you better get that into your macho head"!

"Have you cooked, what did you cook? I am not eating rice ‘o‘, you better fry plantain for me"!

"where have you been to, eh, next time when you go out like that, don’t come back to this house, this is MY house not OUR house"!

Etc, etc, etc! the nattering continues to no end.

The man who married a wife based on love as defined in the Nigerian context, now realises that love in London is a different ball game. If you are reading this article in Nigeria and you have the plan of relocating to London with your wife, you need to note these points in your head please. Most love in London is determined by market forces and second, the woman owns the home not "we" and when the opportunity comes to let you know it, she will sound it into your ears.

Marriage in the U.K is an interesting study in women’s perfidy. Even where the family is content by the man’s standard, the woman is not. She wants to be seen to be in control. She begins to manoeuvre and manipulate like the snake in the garden of Eden. She begins to instigate even when the man is at peace with her and the children. She begins to teach the children how to hate their father. Such is the level of marital development in the UK. Who will save the men folk?

There are a lot of culture shocks in the advanced world. Men from Africa and Asia are finding it hard to cope with the British norms and ways of life in the area of marriage. If you are not a very patient and tolerant man, your wife will kill you with her tongue. The power of the tongue was a quality bestowed on women by God but most of them use it negatively. And most domestic violence spring from it.

What then has been the response of the men from Africa and Asia to these assaults? One of the ways people from Asia, especially from Pakistan respond is through what they call "honour killing". This to me is a despicable act of murder and will never wish it on my worst enemy. The act involves luring the lady or wife away to ‘lawless’ Pakistan {where the man’s ego holds sway} and when they get there, the man releases his accumulated anger and kills the woman.

By so doing, they often claim, the man purportedly redeems his "honour" long lost in the UK. Some others, simply kill the woman in London and ask the law to come and arrest them. The police in the UK are presently trying hard to stop both acts from happening and are liaising with the Pakistan’s government to help put a stop to it.

African men especially Nigerian men whom I have cause to study, react differently to it. Reported incident of domestic violence is more prevalent. Wife beating is used by some to avenge wife’s acidic tongue. In the end the wife may or may not invite the police. Where she does, the man is in trouble with the law, especially if there is grave bodily harm. She could press or drop charges depending on her mood swing or the evil "spirit" controlling her.

However, recent development in the legal system in the UK has made it such that it is no longer the exclusive right of the woman to press charges. The police can, without the permission of the wife, press charges against the man based on evidence before them, that is, on the nature and extent of injury inflicted on the woman. Again, this either opens a criminal record for the man or is added to his already existing record.

Having a criminal record in the UK is not just for the record only; one of the implications is that there are certain jobs the man is not permitted to do. There are police checks on certain categories of jobs. That is why a lot of married Nigerian men find it difficult to get the job of their heart desire because their reaction to their wives’ poisonous tongues have put them in quandary.

There are rare cases in the UK of Nigerian men beating their wives to death. If they can’t take the heat in the marriage much longer, they either move out from the house or relocate to Nigeria and ask their wife to come back. In most cases, wives don’t {even} contemplate the thought of returning to Nigeria in their wildest dream. They are safer in the UK, where the licence to use their tongues is elastic and infinite.

Other mature men simply take their wives’ assault on the chin: ignore her ranting and just leave the house until she sobers down. Some others don’t go anywhere, they just sit back and return ranting-for-ranting until both becomes tired. The council may serve the couple an ASBO { Anti-social behaviour order} for disturbing neighbours with their loud noise. In both response type however, the man will not lift his hand to hit the woman because he knows the legal implications.

Besides, if the situation becomes worst, one of the parties calls for separation for the ‘searing heat’ to cool off or to enable other "significant others" intervene. These "others" could be family members, men of God, and marriage sponsors. Where the dispute has degenerated into persistent death threats and physical violence, divorce becomes the "devil’s alternative" ala Frederick Forsyth.

Fathers-4-justice has also evolved in the UK to help men fight for the injustices inflicted on them by foul-mouthed mothers. It is a civil rights movement founded in "December 2002 by Matt O’connor after he experienced first hand the injustices of the secret family courts as he struggled to see his two sons Daniel and Alexander after a traumatic divorce." But how far they will go in confronting the iniquities inherent in matriarchy is another matter. The system in the UK is a marriage breaker. QED! I rest my case!

Ephraim Emenanjo Adinlofu is a member of Champions For Nigeria organisation, an organisation that is out to promote excellence and good governance in Nigeria. He has his B.Sc {1987}and M.Sc {1993} in Sociology from the university of Jos, Nigeria, and is resident and working in London

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