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Marriage: How To Choose The Right Partner

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 By: Chibunma Ukwu  (12-09-15)

Marriage is said to be the union of two adults as husband and wife. As romantic and exciting as marriage could be, it is worthy to note that it is a life time venture, the reason one has to be cautious before making decision on whom to marry. CHIBUNMA UKWU writes on facts that could help as guides.

Decision is one of the keys of life that humans have been blessed with and when it comes to the person to marry, you also have the ability to decide. You do not depend on fate or luck to determine the future for you. Decide to marry a partner that will love and cherish you. Choose to marry a partner with whom you will have a lasting and enjoyable marriage; a compatible companion, that would be an example to others. Just before you pop the diamond question of “will you marry me?” or say yes to the diamond question, here are tips that could help you know if your decisions are right.

Love: Love plays a major role as far as the issue of marriage is concerned. It is love that makes your partner to adore you and hold you in high esteem above any other person. This same love is vital when the issue of relationship and of course, marriage comes to play. There are many things some couples cannot do for each other or for their union to be successful maybe, due to lack of love. In other words, if you want to have a partner that would take risks and fight for you, go the extra mile to ensure your well being and a healthy marriage, then you have to ensure that your partner is one who will have unconditional and undying love for you. Does the word undying sound unrealistic?

The truth is that love is not only a feeling but a decision as well. By deciding to love a person, you make conscious efforts that will ensure that the love is rekindled every time, every year, irrespective of situations. We know things to do to ensure this, don’t we? But believe it, because it is a fact, love could be built on.  For example, let’s take this story once narrated by a marriage expert, Bimbo Odukoya.

A lady went to the airport to welcome an old friend whom she had not seen for a long time. While she was waiting, she saw a man arrive and run towards a woman. She was drawn to this scene especially as the man grabbed the woman, kissed her and exclaimed how much he had missed her. Amazed by the display, she asked the man, “Sir, how long have you been married?” she expected the answer to be one or two months. Without so much as a sidelong glance at what he considered a distraction, he replied, “18 years now.” Assuming that the man had been away from his family for a long while, she pursued the matter, inquiring, “How long have you been away?” To her surprise, he said, “Two days.” Amazed, she remarked, “I hope I marry a man like you who will love me as much.” Hearing this, the man looked at her and said, “Don’t hope, Decide.”

 

Hardwork: This is one of the traits to consider as well in a person you want to have a lasting relationship with. The economy of the nation has ensured that the word, “housewife” has been thrown to the winds. This means that almost every man wants a woman that is hardworking and enterprising enough to be a support to the family. Similarly, every woman looks out for a man who is so hardworking that he would be able to make provision for the family as well. An issue as this is a serious one that should be given serious attention before deciding if he or she is the right spouse for you. However, it would be great to use this medium to caution ladies to guide against being materialistic. Look out for a man who is hardworking though he may not be stupendously rich. He might not be rich today but if he is hardworking, be assured that someday, he will hit his goldmine.

A person of character: If there is any way to know a person, character is one sure way to do that. Character consists of the qualities that distinct a person from other people. You can use character to say what kind of person someone is. In fact, a person’s character determines his or her personality. So, is your spouse a person of character? It would be nice and wise to understand this about your spouse.

Maturity: It has been said earlier on that marriage is the union of two adults. There is need to marry a person that is matured in character and understanding. This is most necessary because there are bound to be challenges along the line and it is the level of your partner’s maturity that would contribute to how easily you can surmount the challenges or fail. Maturity will help your spouse to behave well and accordingly in the face of any situation. Even if an ugly situation or disagreement arises (maybe, something he or she doesn’t like), it takes character and maturity for him or her to act well in order to protect your dignity or personality. However, at your leisure time, especially when having fun, he or she will bring up the issue for discussion.

Patience: This is one of the things to look out for in the partner of your dream. Is he a patient person? Is he a man that could be patient with me? Remember that in most cases, two people that come together to marry never knew themselves for centuries neither did they grow up together. They may even have different traits and backgrounds. This is where the issue of adjustment comes in. While this is going on, while you are making necessary adjustments both in character, areas of weakness, career and vice versa. Your spouse should be understanding and as such, be patient with you. There are many cases of divorce world over and that is partly because there are couples who are not patient with each other.

Same faith: In most cases, when issues of lasting relationship comes to mind, the issue of having same faith with your spouse is often times ignored but this is very vital if you must have a good home. Nigeria is a country where there is freedom of worship; however, there is need to marry someone who shares same belief with you. It does not mean that people of different religion cannot marry, but be sure that this will not be a problem whatsoever afterall. It is pertinent to note that having same faith will help you raise the kind of children every parent wants to have. Thus, ensure that you have same faith with your partner.

Domestic: This is another issue that requires serious attention and it is not bad establishing before time what you and your partner believe about being domestic. In African culture generally, it is believed that it is the job of the woman to keep the home; do all the house chores and ensure that the home is run smoothly. This belief really worked when women used to be full time house wives but not anymore. In contemporary days when women engage in money making ventures, they get tired when they come back from the office or businesses; hence, they might not meet up with everything that is expected of them even when they want to and because of this, they seek help either in form of house helps or even their husbands.

Most wives want their husbands to assist them with the house chores or at least keeping them company while they do the house chores which include cooking. This is not bad at all, but it is not all men that appreciate this. It is not part of what they saw their fathers did for their mothers so why should they do that? So, be sure to have a good understanding of this about your spouse before popping the diamond question or saying yes to marry him.
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